Look at my blog if convenient.
If inconvenient, look anyway.
It could be dangerous.

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad:Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad:Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad:Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad:Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad:Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad:Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad:I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad:Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad:Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad:Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad:It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad:Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad:*puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad:My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad:Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad:Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad:I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad:Fuck the government.
Dad:Fuck the school board.
Dad:Close the door.
Dad:Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad:I love puns.
Dad:People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad:Please shut up.
Dad:Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad:I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad:I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad:You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad:Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad:I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad:If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad:They act like I care what they think.
Dad:I hate homework.
Dad:I have decided to become a politician.
Dad:What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
Notes
79358
Posted
1 day ago
she-behaves-like-shes-on-fire:

chaotic-genius:

jkimisyellow:

bridgemcgidge:

tan-the-man:

Wow

now THAT is a cool batman tattoo

HOT DAMN

(funfact: in russia the letter for ‘N’ is actually ‘H’ (so you read ‘HAHAHA’ but russians read ‘NANANA’))

NO

she-behaves-like-shes-on-fire:

chaotic-genius:

jkimisyellow:

bridgemcgidge:

tan-the-man:

Wow

now THAT is a cool batman tattoo

HOT DAMN

(funfact: in russia the letter for ‘N’ is actually ‘H’ (so you read ‘HAHAHA’ but russians read ‘NANANA’))

NO

(Source: tow-tow, via dauntlesspizzalover)

Notes
81268
Posted
1 day ago

vvatsonholmes:

aperfectlypredictableblog:

thesecretoftrenzalore:

The 12th Doctor…Chris Kendall (x)

a cinematic masterpiece

Allons-y motherfucker

i have been waiting for this my whole life

(Source: kathy-h, via thefantasticfoursome)

Notes
48048
Posted
1 day ago

glorianas:

is it a good show or is it just dark and gritty with a high production salary and middle age white dudes?-a question y’all need to ask yourself

(via unironically--enthusiastic)

Notes
5533
Posted
1 day ago

kissingandcoffee:

sneakyfeets:

HAHAHA HOLY SHIT WE WERE LOOKING AT PICTURES OF SURGERIES IN CLASS AND ALL THE GUYS WERE HOOTING AT THE SLICED BREAST ONES AND THEN THE TEACHER SWITCHED TO A PENIS PIC WHERE IT WAS CUT OPEN AND SOME 300LB JOCK DOUCHEBAG FAINTED RIGHT OUT OF HIS CHAIR BOYS ARE WEAK BOYS ARE FUCKING WEAK

you mean to tell me

that there was a god damn CUT OPEN BOOB

IN SURGERY

AND BOYS WERE STILL SEXUALISING IT

FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING FUCK DOES NO ONE SEE HOW FUCKED UP THIS IS

(via unironically--enthusiastic)

Notes
209669
Posted
1 day ago
defend-punk-rock:

dickfuentes:

its a sHY BABY FOX HIDING BEHIND ANOTHER BABY FOX AWWWW ISF

my heart exploded from adorableness omfg

defend-punk-rock:

dickfuentes:

its a sHY BABY FOX HIDING BEHIND ANOTHER BABY FOX AWWWW ISF

my heart exploded from adorableness omfg

(Source: themoonphase, via liamdryden)

Notes
252159
Posted
1 day ago

daysofstorm:

cumbertrekky:

Benedict at the Malaysian Grand Prix

(x)

thanks cumbertrekky for the link

No problem.

that noise, though, the sound of sweet sweet engines running…it’s one of the most thrilling sounds in the world. ahh, i wanna go to a race again it’s been so long !!!

(Source: whenisayrunrun, via sherlockings)

Notes
2232
Posted
1 day ago
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